(11-3)  The flame of disagreement doesn't care who ignited it.  La llama de la discordia no respeta la mano que la prendió.

Ojuani (11) is an odu that talks about a lack of gratitude.  Combined with Ogundá (3), it indicates a conflictive personality.  Some people have the idea that the world owes them something, and the favors that are done for them are simply their due. Time after time, they accept favors without saying thank you, or even acknowledging that another person went out of their way to help them. Good fortune comes along and act like it's the natural order of things. They can't imagine bad luck, or a person who doesn't want to help them, because they think the world revolves around them, and they deserve to have the best of everything.  This kind of person is bound to experience conflict with other people sooner or later, because no one can keep taking and taking without giving something back.  Misunderstandings arise about what someone owes someone else, what ought to have been done and wasn't, what is fair or unfair, what the obligations of one person are to another.  This proverb warns about the dangers of creating discord in your life, because even when your complaints and criticisms are aimed at another person, they will always reflect back on you.  Every time you make an unreasonable demand or use words to hurt another person, you're lighting the flame of discord in your life.  Discord spreads like a wildfire, and eventually destroys everything in its path.

There's really no such thing as a one-sided argument.  Once the demand, complaint, criticism, insult, or accusation is out of your mouth and hurled at another person, the other person has to react in some way.  Even if the other person walks away and refuses to engage in an argument, a conflict now exists where there wasn't one before.  Tensions remain, the relationship is damaged.  Occasional flare ups are normal, but this proverb asks you to reflect on how often you go through life stirring up discord?  When you perceive that someone is letting you down, or not meeting the demands you've created, do you lash out?  When someone does something to help you, do you show genuine gratitude?  Do you take too much for granted?   Not showing gratitude eventually causes other people to feel used and abused.  Failure to acknowledge what they've done for you is another way to create discord in your life, because it sets up a dynamic that leads to unfulfilled expectations, resentment, and anger.  Silence when a kind word is needed can be just as bad as an insult spoken aloud.

Do you find yourself in situations where everyone is mad at you and you don't know why?  Is your hand is the one setting fire to the situation, perhaps unintentionally, but still with negative consequences for you?  Sometimes more than a cursory thank you is needed.  Genuine gratitude requires you to see that you aren't owed any special favors, and when good things come your way, they come through acts of kindness and mercy that could have, under other circumstances, been withheld.  Reflect on all you have and recognize that it could all be taken away.  Nothing in life is guaranteed.  Feel gratitude for what you've been given, and respond to the world around you with a little more humility.  Stop saying "I want" and "I deserve," and think more about what you have that you can give back to others.

(9-5) Parents don't ask their children to bless them.  Los padres no piden bendición a los hijos.
Many people who were raised in a Latino household know the custom of children asking parents to bless them before the leave the house or go to bed at night.  This relates to the idea that parents are in a position to protect their children, and the parents have some kind of authority over their spiritual well-being.  Naturally, it's understood that God is the one who ultimately protects us and sends blessings, but the parent can ask for God's attention on behalf of the children.  In Santería, the same relationship of protection and trust exists between godparents and godchildren.  The godchild asks for the blessing of his godparents as a way of expressing faith in the religion and acknowledging the godparents' role as spiritual guides.  The blessing can take the simple form of words exchanged, or include physical gestures such as an embrace or a "lifting from the floor" when godchildren prostrate themselves before their godparents in the foribale, the most formal kind of salutation between initiated priests/ priestesses.  To be blessed, embraced or lifted from the floor is a way for the godparents to pass on some of their aché to their godchildren.  It shows at once a reverence for religious elders, and a desire on the part of elders to protect and strengthen the spiritual development of those who are younger. 

Like most proverbs, this one goes well beyond its literal meaning.  It reminds us that the parent-child relationship comes with clearly defined roles for each person to play.  Whether we are talking literally about children, or about people who have less experience, less knowledge, less spiritual evolution than others, it's important that the parents (or the persons with more experience) occupy the position of authority in the relationship.  This isn't to say that parents should be dictators and micro-manage every aspects of their child's life.  Or that parents should fail to listen when a child expresses an opinion or voices a concern.  It means that the person with more experience and more senority needs to assume the responsibility of protecting, instructing, guiding, helping the younger, less experienced person.  The relationship is better for both parent and child when each one knows his or her place, because there's no confusion about who is who in relationship to each other.  When the roles get reversed, or it's not clear who's in the position of elder, the world seems upside down and chaotic.  This proverb reminds us to be realistic in our expectations, and not look to others who are less prepared, less qualified or less sure of themselves to take care of us.  It also cautions us that we need to step up and take responsibility, and not look to others to fix our problems for us.  Whether we're talking about a family situation, a work situation, or a religious relationship with elders, we need to remember what our role is and occupy it to the best of our ability.

Osá (9) is a sign that talks about betrayal and bad feelings between people who were once close to each other.  This proverb suggests that problems can be avoided by remembering the natural order of things and respecting the way the world works. It's natural that bad feelings develop when people have expectations of each other that aren't met.  But, you have to ask yourself, are you meeting the realistic expectations others have of you?  Is what you expect from them realistic and within their possibilities?  Sometimes the children of Osá like to pretend they don't understand or don't know how to do something as a way of getting other people to do the work for them.  This proverb reminds you that there are some things that are in your realm of responsibility and you shouldn't try to avoid them.  Do what corresponds to your position in life, and don't look to others to assume your duties or carry out your role.