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What Happens When We Don't Live Out Our Destiny

7/6/2015

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El hombre desaprueba lo que no puede realizar. (Human beings disapprove of things they can't achieve.) (8-1)

PictureWhere do you fit into the scheme of things?
Envy and frustration are at the heart of this proverb.  We all have dreams and goals we want to achieve, but as the years go by, we start to suspect that some of those things are never going to happen.  Maybe it's due to factors beyond our control, maybe it's due to our own lack of initiative or skills. Or, maybe those dreams were too far out of our reach and we didn't have the wisdom to see that sooner. 

Imagine, for example, a young man who dreams of starting his own company and being the boss. He imagines himself in a leadership position and  thinks about what a great boss he's going to be. He will be a problem-solver, he's going to motivate others to be successful, everyone will admire him. He'll have a lot of money, buy a big house, and take vacations in exotic places.  By the time he's fifty, though, none of this has come to pass. He's working in an office in an assistant manager position, he's making a decent living but he doesn't have the house, money or dream vacations he hoped for.  Even worse, his boss is unbearable. He's demanding, he lacks vision, he doesn't appreciate or value the people that work for him. The employee feels stuck. He's not the leader he dreamed he would be, and he's forced to work for a person he doesn't respect.  This is a recipe for frustration and unhappiness.

Identify the Root of the Problem

PictureWhat went wrong?
There are a couple of natural responses to this situation. The employee can either turn his frustration inward and blame himself for being a failure. Or, he can turn it outward and find fault with the system that put another man in his place.  Why did that other man get chosen to be the boss?   Envy comes into play when the employee starts counting all the advantages the boss enjoys. Maybe he went to a more prestigious university and has a more impressive title. Maybe he has personal connections with the "right" people who helped him move up the ladder.  Maybe he just had better luck. Whatever the reasons, it seems unfair. Not only is the employee going to resent the boss, but he's going to resent the circumstances that put the other man in a superior position.  The dissatisfaction the employee feels with his job leads to disapproval of all the things the boss represents: the man's political party, his economic status, his values, his way of being. The dream of being the boss fades, and becomes, instead, an undesirable goal.  Who wants to be the boss in a corrupt system that rewards the wrong people for the wrong reasons?

This is not just a case of "sour grapes."  Eye-unle talks about the importance of knowing where you belong in a hierarchy, and assuming your rightful place. If you are born to be the head, you can't end up as the tail. You'll never be satisfied with that role.  Not everyone is meant to be the head. Leadership requires a special set of characteristics and skills. People who end up as the head and don't belong there will be a disaster at their job. But people who were meant to be the head and don't achieve that goal will also be a disaster at their job if they settle for a position that's beneath them. Some people don't mind occupying a lower place in the hierarchy of things. Working a simple job with few responsibilities and little stress has its own rewards. Some people prefer to keep a low profile and stay out of the limelight. They aren't driven and don't depend on their job to give them a sense of identity. They have no trouble letting others run the show, because they don't aspire to be a leader. But for those who were born to be the head, that's their personal destiny, and if they don't follow through on it, they will always be disappointed . 


Create the Conditions for Personal Success

PictureRecognize where you belong

This proverb tells us that we need to have dreams that correspond to our authentic selves. We need to know who we are, what we're capable of, what we really want, and what we're able to achieve. Self-confidence leads to a feeling of self-worth. If a person is meant to rise to the top, he needs to find a context where that can happen.  He can't settle for less. He needs to create the circumstances, and not lose focus.  Maybe he can't be the CEO of a billion dollar company, but he can live out his dream by finding what he does best and doing it. If he isn't recognized for his talents within an established structure, maybe he needs to move outside that structure and find or create a new one. Above all, the proverb tells us to not get stuck.  Not all our dreams can come true, but some of them should. If we can take pride in what we've accomplished in life, then the few things we never accomplished won't mean so much to us. We won't envy a lifestyle that's so different from ours because we like the one we've created for ourselves. It suits us. Humans will always disapprove of someone or something, that's human nature. But if we use our energy to carry out our own projects and plans, bringing our dreams to fruition, we're less invested in the people and things that frustrate us, and less willing to spend time thinking about them. Overall, this leads to a more productive and happier life.


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June 24th, 2015

6/24/2015

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La cabeza del hombre percibe dos cosas: la ira del corazón y el deseo de amar. 
A human head perceives two things: the heart's anger and the desire to love. (Ocana)

PictureConflicting emotions leads to unbalanced behavior
This proverb comes from the odu Ocana, which is an odu of extremes. It references the connection between the heart and mind, and how our emotions influence our thinking.  Most humans have an innate need to love and be loved. The desire to love shapes our thinking and behavior, and motivates us to form connections to other people. At the same time, Ocana speaks of people who are self-centered and easily provoked to rage. Perceived slights, injustices, or disappointments provoke anger, which embeds itself in the heart and puts up barriers that keep others at arm's length.  Rage feeds their thoughts and propels their actions, butting up against their natural desire to love.  For this reason, people who get Ocana in a reading are often conflicted deep within themselves, and have trouble thinking clearly because their emotions cloud their thoughts too much.


Why Are You Acting Like This??

PictureThe head and the heart are connected
Anger breeds hatred, the opposite of love.  These are very strong feelings that influence our decisions and actions. What goes on in the heart affects the mind.  This proverb reminds us that when we make a decision or take an action, we have to consider what's motivating us? Are we acting out of love, or rage? Are we trying to hurt someone to "get even" for something they've done to us? Or are we concerned about someone else's feelings? Are we bearing a grudge from the past that influences how we treat everyone around us? Or are we willing to give new people in our lives the benefit of the doubt? As the proverb suggests, we aren't making neutral, calm, balanced decisions. We're only seeing extremes, and that's putting us into an overly excited state of mind. Whether we're acting for good or for bad, we're not acting rationally. We're letting our emotions rule us.


Love and anger are legitimate and real emotions, but they need to be analyzed rationally, too. Are our feelings within healthy boundaries, or are they out of control and causing us to make bad decisions and act unwisely? Do we understand the basis of our emotions? There will always be a tension between the head and the heart, but that tension should make us feel vibrant and alive, not wound up so tightly that we feel like we're going to snap.  We need to think about how we react to disappointment and failure in love relationships, so that the anger doesn't fester and make it impossible to create new bonds with other people.  And, sometimes, it merely tells us that we're living too much inside our own head and heart. We need to think about the other people around us, and consider their feelings and thoughts, too. We need to cultivate compassion and the ability to see another's point of view.

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What do you know?

8/12/2013

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(6-6)  The person who knows doesn't die like the person who doesn't know.  El que sabe no muere como el que no sabe. 

PictureNot all knowledge comes from books.
In order to understand this proverb, we have to understand that for the Lucumí life and death are two halves of a single whole.  We can't talk about how you die without first talking about how you live.  Here, knowledge is not only the accumulation of information and skills that comes from formal instruction and training.  There are many ways to gain knowledge, especially when we think of knowledge as a broad and deep understanding of how the world works and the place of human beings in it.  People who sit quietly and observe, who reflect and generate ideas based on observation and experience, who pay attention to what's happening around them and interpret correctly what they see are people who "know" in the most profoundest sense of the word.  They understand why they and others do what they do, they know if it's right or wrong, and they can foresee the consequences of their actions and choices.  No one can know the future, but people who "know" themselves and the world around them have a pretty good idea of what the possibilities are, and they're prepared to deal with them as they develop.

PictureAre you listening to what your elders teach you?
Because they know, they can't use ignorance as an excuse for making the wrong choices or doing the wrong thing. They're conscious of their actions and motives, and they can't pretend otherwise.  They have a responsibility to live correctly, because they know the difference between right and wrong.  For example, if they steal money from the place they work,  they know it's wrong to steal, and they know what the likely outcome will be. When they're caught, they can't say they didn't "know" what they were doing.  They did know and, still, they made a bad choice.  This reflects a lack of good character and shows a behavioral flaw, and they lose people's respect because of their foolish choices.

Those who know also have a responsibility to share knowledge with those who don't know.  Children are the ones we're most responsible for teaching, but there are many adults who never developed the kind of awareness or consciousness that makes them thinking beings. They go through life in a fog, never putting their thoughts together in a coherent way to make sense out of things.  It's not a lack of intelligence but, rather, a lack of concentration and self-discipline that makes them ignorant.  They don't learn from past mistakes, they don't take responsibility for their actions, they don't see the consequences of their behavior.  They repeat the same error and never understand why it's wrong.  Often, these are the people who are the quickest to say "I know" when they don't know. They don't want to listen, they don't want to learn, they're convinced that they "know" and they dismiss people who could teach them something.  Their egos won't allow them to be humble and admit they might not know everything, or that someone else might know more than they do.  Their automatic defense when anyone challenges their thinking is to say "I know" and, in that way, they avoid an opportunity for learning.  Usually, they aren't aware of what they're doing, and don't understand why they're having problems.  They don't "know" what they need to know, and therefore, they can't live in a way that's really meaningful.

PictureWhat do you know about the road ahead?
A person who knows will die in a way that's different from the person who doesn't know. Why?  Because the person who knows, who has gone through life with heightened awareness and understanding of the world and the people in it, has made sense of his life.  His life has had meaning, and his death is the natural conclusion to it, a fulfillment of the destiny he chose for himself in Arun (heaven) before he was born.  He can't avoid death, but he needn't fear it or dread it. It becomes part of a natural whole for him. Death comes at the time and in the way it's supposed to come; it will be the final fulfillment of his destiny.  The person who doesn't know, who doesn't understand life or his role on earth, will feel nothing but confusion when faced with death. If his life has been meaningless, so will his death be.   

This refran talks not only about the importance of knowing, or being aware, but also about the importance of being open to knowledge and wisdom others want to share with you. It talks about the responsibility of sharing what you know, and the responsibility of living in accordance with your beliefs, knowledge and experience. In other words, it requires you to be aware and let that awareness guide you through life, so you can walk on the right path and reach your final destiny at the time and place it awaits you.


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    Eni Acho Iya is a practicing Santera, daughter of Ochún. She's also an academic with a PhD in Spanish and Latin American culture.

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